April is coming which marks the beginning of wedding season. But not just the spring/summer wedding season. The wedding season of my life. I’m in my mid twenties which means that every time I log into facebook someone else I played four square with on the playground, or played flip cup with in college, is getting married. I’ve been invited to four weddings this summer including showers, bachelorette parties, and those engagement celebrations keep popping up. If that weren’t enough, I already know of 2 for the summer of 2010.
It’s not as weird as I thought it would be. The first really thought-consuming wedding for me was Kate’s wedding in November. She was my first Pittsburgh friend to get married and since I’ve known her since we were 12, it was kind of surreal. Nines and Corbers wedding in August also threw me through a loop. Even though I couldn’t attend and they’ve been together the entire time I’ve known them (5 years now), it was strange to me even last week to hear Nines introduce Corbers to my sister as his wife.
Times they are a changin. And it’s obvious that every summer from now until I’m thirty will be filled with open bars and sobering thoughts, such as: I can’t believe how old we are. Now our relationship will completely different. Why did they run out of champagne? And the most depressing, How can I afford all these damn gifts?
Seriously. I’m set up to drop more money on friends and family members nuptials this year than I am on one of my student loans. How do you balance it? If you are invited to the shower and the wedding, do you buy two gifts? And how much should you spend? And should the cost of travel incurred to attend the wedding be factored into your gift budget? What about the recession? I don’t want to cheap out on people I care about and am genuinely happy for, but when coming to your celebration is sucking up my vacation time and budget, there has to be a line….right?
What do you all think. Do you give a signature gift? Do you give a set amount in cash? If so, how much? Do you buy for every shower/wedding your invited to? I need to know. And, I need another drink.
I’ve made it pretty clear to everyone around me for the past several years that I think obligatory gift giving is straight from the devil.
It’s a waste of time and energy, an artifact of an unsustainable culture, and a bandage that covers insincere relationships. Someone gives me a gift I know they felt obligated to, even if they can easily afford it, and I have to fake a smile.
As a result I give and receive relatively few gifts compared to most, but when I do they are fucking good. Because gift giving is beautiful, though somewhere along the line, the real practice of giving has been replaced by a horrible and wasteful ritual.
If it feels right to sacrifice vacation of course you should do it. But if it’s only social obligation then you know what to do: there’s no future in that shit, don’t invest. Friends don’t let friends waste money.
Just be glad you aren’t a BRIDESMAID in all of those weddings it gets fuzzier when you have to start factoring in personal costs having to do with throwing parties, showers, hair, nails, “attire” for all of these events… etc.
It also makes it 10x worse when you do not favor the Groom and think the Bride is making the mistake of her lifetime…
There’s a ton of personal inner turmoil during wedding season.
My advice… only shell out the cash for those you really really like… the so so people who just want people there so they feel like they have friends… avoid them like the black plague… they are just looking for free stuff from you.
Weddings are great! Well, not so much wedding as the bachelor parties. I need a good excuse to give to the wife in order to go to a men’s club, and “my best friend’s bachelor party” works pretty well. Us guys don’t give each other gifts other than paying for dances.
Also, when I come home smelling like cheap beer and cigarettes, the wife is pissed. When I come home smelling like cognac and stripper sweat, well that just turns her on. I hope you find this insight into marriage enlightening.
Just buy a card and a nice 5 or 10 dollar gift certificate if you feel so obliged to present a gift…
To wherever they are registered
If that makes you feel cheap…oh well. People can’t expect us at our age to throw big huge gifts at each other…just for people you would want in your own wedding should you get big presents for. That’s what I think. Other than that 30 bucks or less is the main rule in my book.