In his case it would have been simple enough to say I’m not ready, instead of pointing out all the concern’s that he has about getting into a relationship with me. Because, to be brutally honest, now I think he’s kind of a jerk.
Brutal honesty is just another excuse people use to be mean and get away with it. Kind of like saying “just kidding” after insulting someone. And the saddest thing is that people pass it off as something honorable. Ooo I’m a jokster, I’m sarcastic, I’m honest, I’m cool. Oh, and also, I’m just not nice.
At this point I should say that I know what you’re probably all thinking: I’m brutally honest. And you’re right. Of course, I prefer to think of it as tough love. But more often than not, when I lash out, there are no holds barred.
But there’s a difference to looking critically at the Observer, or a public figure who I don’t know personally, and being brutally honest with the people that I care about or interact with daily. And even though I’m admittedly harsh on this city or its people, it is because I care about them and hold them to high standards. Not unrealistically high standards, but some standards nonetheless.
To be honest, it hurts to have your flaws pointed out. It’s hard to face the truth (even if that truth is often simply someone else’s meaningless opinion) But it matters if it comes from a place meant to help you, or a place meant to hurt. If it’s a defensive maneuver of someone who can never admit their own faults, or from someone who, despite their tactics, has your best interest at heart.
When I explained this story to Gabby and she told me to get out now, that might have been brutally honest. But it was also the right thing to say. And I knew she said it because she cares.
When the musician told me that he might be too busy, or lose touch with his friends, or is worried that everything’s not perfect, that he’s not sure about me, or that I overthink things, I knew that was brutal. But I’m not sure it was very honest. Because I knew there was a lot not being said, including possibly, the brutal honesty that might have actually helped me to hear: this isn’t working.
I sure hope it’s not that, but I don’t think he’ll ever say it directly one way or another. Because brutal honesty is selective, truth is up for interpretation. And like all things, it’s what left out that’s most important.
I know what you’re thinking again. You’re thinking that this is much too brutally honest to post on this blog. But don’t worry. I can get away with it. Because I know he’s not reading.
Lick
