I’m sitting in the library trying to write a paper. And by trying, I mean avoiding. Part of my library routine includes drinking disgusting amounts of coke from overpriced vending machines ($2 for a 20 oz. Really?). This means I have to stop to take bathroom breaks, a lot. And while I love to justify leaving my work with a necessary stop at the facilities, it gets tiresome after a while. This kinda sorta alittlebit made me wish I could just use a catheter during particularly nasty bouts of writing.
Then I remembered an awesome email from my time a The Law Firm That Shall Not be Named. It was sent during a period when many similar notices announcing slashed benefits were going out. This email was posted on KUWTB before, but was subsequently deleted during my “oh shit, this blawg is gonna get me fired” break from blogging. Now it’s back. Kind of makes me miss that place. A tiny tiny tiny tiny bit. Enjoy:
From:[redacted]
Sent: Thursday, January 15, 2009 5:12 PM
To: [redacted]
Subject: [redacted]
Beginning in 2009, as part of cost reduction associated with the unprecedented 2008 financial crisis, the firm is cutting back on bathroom hours for all staff members. Going forward, you will only be allowed to use the facilities during your lunch break (which has been subsequently reduced from 1 hour to 30 minutes). In order for us to continue to meet client needs quickly and efficiently, the firm will now offer catheter and leg bags to all staff members so that we can all go about our “business” uninterrupted. Please call [redacted] or email [redacted] and someone from the IT department will come by to “install” the device. We are grateful to remain on the forefront of new bathroom technology and look forward to a freer, albeit slightly awkward, 2009.
Lick
