Below is a list of commonly used terms on KUWTB. Separated into three categories for your convenience. Because I love you.
People
Charlottans – that’s you guys!
Bev – gov of the Old North State
RIP Bo’Jakles – interception-throwing quarterback of your Carolina Panthers.
David Thompson – the greatest man who ever lived. EVER.
Gabby – former sorority sister, former roommate, and current best friend/soulmate. Recently she moved to Boone. Because she’s a whore.
George and Ted – cofounders of The Charlotte Blog (yea, I did that just to annoy you). I only anonymize them when occasion demands.
Ghosthunter – my very first friend at the University of Charlotte. She likes ghosties.
Kate – overachieving high school friend who also left Pittsburgh to live in a small southern city. Respect.
Kirkley Fan- former sorority sister, Ohio friend, and obnoxious fan of Brandon Kirkley’s goings on.
Lake Norman Larry – an upwardly mobile mistake I once made.
La’Nolan – former sorority sister, Boston friend, and reality show waiting to happen.
Local Celebs – the only kind worth keeping up with (and stalking occassionally). Includes but not limited to: Brotha Fred, Sarah Aarthun, David Thompson, Britney Cason, The Ken, Rev. Rob of Apple Auto Sales, Preacher Gary, MoFo, Chilly Willy, etc.
LoL cats – Sirr Purr and McSkat Cat
Lynn – overachieving high school friend.
McSkat Cat – Charlotte Bobcat’s mascot, Rufus. He’s creepies.
The Musician- a brutally honest mistake I once made.
Nines and Corbers – married friends. Sometimes referred to as my Charlotte family.
Rasputin – My three legged, naked tailed pekingese. He’ll fuck you up.
RHPs - rogue helicopter pilots, you know, crazies.
The Govenor – conservative fiancee of Gabby.
RoboPat – mayor McCrory
Skylar – former sorority sister and co-innercircle resident.
Texas Lexi – Meck’s shiner swillin, cowboy boot wearin big sister.
Things:
RIP 1993 Crackberry – this is how I tweet on the go. It’s like, so retro. And weighs 10 lbs.
RIP Biznass lunches – where serious biznass is discussed. Or the hour I spend each afternoon tweeting at my desk whilst eating a chic-fil-a #5 combo with BBQ sauce.
CLCTP – Chameleon Lemonheaded Coward Terrorist Pussy, an insult originally contrived by the great David Thompson and reserved only for the most ridiculous of Charlottan behavior
Charlotte – the queen city, the qc, chatown, crown town, sim city, gotham, best. city. ever., or you know, home.
RIP Flavia – crack laced coffee products available at my place of employment.
Focks Charlotte – Fox News. See also: the suck.
RIP G Lappy – my 2006 Gateway laptop. That overheats every two hours. And gets viruses. And cow surveys. And weighs 15lbs. And pisses off Mac lovers everywhere. #love
KUWTB lessons – follow these easy lessons and you will be Keeping Up with the Belks in no time. Or you will just be a douche.
Lappy 2.0 – red, shiny, dell studio with windows 7. It cost $100. suck on that, losers.
Lick – what you do to things that are tasty, like my posts.
Lists –1) the best things ever
2) where would my life be without them?
3) I can’t adequately describe how much I love them
4)Eeeeep!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
RIP The Napoli Express Pizza Truck - a shining beacon of hope to the weary. The Napoli Express pizza truck is out every Friday and Saturday night on the corner of 5th and Graham humming a hymn of joy and promising sweet salvation to the tired and intoxicated.
Texting – something I abhor but begrudgingly accept as a consequence of modern life.
The Inner Circle – Uptown. Also, where the cool kids live. Also, where the cool kids work. Also, your mom.
The Observer – my arch nemesis.
The Red Line – my Gold Rush line of choice. Now replaced by the Nugget! Go Niners!
The Swamp – Lake Norman
The Teet – Charlotte’s favorite grocery store. I didn’t invent the term, but I feel obligated to state whose side I’m on (sorry harry peter fans)
The Tower of Power – the shiny new Wellschovia Duke Energy building. Desiree Kane called it Voltron. And thus it was, and shall be, forever and ever, amen.
TnT - Trade and Tryon. See also: where the magic happens.
To Dos – yearly list created by Meck and never completed.
Uniform of Life – my favorite outfit. Navy sweatpants and a charity t-shirt. I wear it too often. And by too often, I mean anytime I’m not working or outside of my apartment or otherwise bound by social expectations.
Wachy- pronounced wacky. See also: Wellschovia
Neighborhoods:
Ballantyne – where you pay mortgage on your townhome.
Derita – pssssshhhhhhh where?
Dilworth- where you drink wine and walk your dog
Elizabeth - where you drink PBRs at Jack’s.
Myers Park: where you make it rain.
NoDa- where you eat Amelies (yep, that’s all i’m giving it).Now where you run into Me(ck)!
Plaza/Midwood – where you wear tights or tight jeans.
Southend: where you take the light rail.
University City - where the lepers live.
Uptown – where you observe the cranes in their natural habitat.
Wesley Heights – where you get robbed.
