There is a caste system at Alive After Five.

For men:

At the bottom are the people wearing jeans or shorts. Who invited those guys? Go back to NoDa.

Next is the khaki-pants-and-polo-shirts crowd. Nice try. That’s not what real people wear to successful jobs.

The middle caste wears standard business casual. They have their best shot with the girls wearing jeans and high heels. Smart to accesorize with expensive-looking watches and neat shoes. A five-o-clock shadow means you’re lazy, not too busy to shave.

Near the top are the suits. Take off your tie and unbutton the top of your fancy shirt. This suggests you came right from an important job, are looking for a good time, and will definitely pay for drinks. The suits have their pick of most females. Every man not wearing a suit looks at them with trepidation and envy. Except the guys in the jeans and shorts. They’re too drunk to understand. If you’re just wearing a blue blazer, that’s kind of weird, and it might seem like you’re showing off.

The highest caste are the men who had the leeway to return to their uptown condo and change into classy casual attire. Nice chinos, a pastel button-down, and leather sandals or boat shoes signify a man of leisure. They often show up with a lady in tow.

For women:

It doesn’t really matter. There are so many freakin‘ men.

The classic “I-want-to-marry-a-banker” look. A shiny, expensive-looking dress, just short and revealing enough to convey the following: You can probably take me home tonight if I think you’re successful and attractive enough, but I’m a classy girl and don’t do that for just anyone, so you should feel extremely lucky, and compelled to date me, if it happens.

The standard currency for any Yup-Town gala. Tickets. First you buy the tickets, then you use the tickets to buy the beer (or tiny clear plastic cups of wine). Tickets cost $4 apiece (please tip your ticket-tender). But a Bud Light only costs one ticket (please tip your bartender)!

Can you sneak liquor in? Yes. Use a flask (not plastic), and buy a small bottle of coke. But you’re letting everyone know you can’t afford to get drunk off $4 beers.

The proper way to show you’re down with the funky music from the band. Every once in a while, nod your head, slightly, to what you have identified as “the beat.”

Dancing? Don’t even think about it.

Of course, I’ll be in attendance doing a case study on these subjects. It’ll be interesting to see if that bugger we know as “the economy” will influence the appearance and behavior of attendees, or for that matter, the price of drinks. With the current uptown condo and apartment vacancies, I predict more people in business wear and less people who have gone home to change (but still spent too much time picking out their outfits). The boundaries of appropriateness for office attire will be pushed by young women all over uptown tomorrow. Denim minis and sundresses will be stuffed into laptop bags. Friday morning call outs will spike.

Hooray for summer.

April 16
Liquid Pleasure
(This special thank-you celebration will be held at Wachovia Plaza before it moves permanently to the EpiCentre the following Thursday.)

April 23
Celebration Club

April 30
Voltage Brothers

May 7
Simply Irresistible

May 14
Satisfaction (Rolling Stones tribute band)

May 21 (Speed Street)
Tuesday’s Gone (Lynyrd Skynyrd tribute band)

May 28
Frontiers (Journey tribute band)

June 4
Breakfast Club

June 11
Dave Matthews Tribute Band

June 18
Girlz Girlz Girlz

June 25
Vertigo (U2 tribute band)

July 2
Shane O’Dazier & The SOB’s

July 9
Who’s Bad (Michael Jackson tribute band)

The party was over by the time we left (so much for meeting any bankers). Gabby was headed back to the University area for a birthday party so I decided to stick with my coworkers. I suggested we meet some of my other friends at Alley Cats, but I was outvoted and dragged against my will to Suite.

Inside, the club was its usual loud overcrowded self, with random couples grinding. Does anyone else think it odd that people dance in the bar areas? There are dance floors for a reason. No need to rub up against each other while you’re trying to order a cocktail.

While we were standing with our drinks (because we can’t afford to sit), a creeper kept checking out my coworker Kara, who was there with her boyfriend. As soon as the BF went to the bar to get her a drink, this guy made his move. He had the best come-on I’ve ever heard:

Random Guy: “So, do you like it here?”
Kara: “Yea I do, this is my first time”
Random Guy: “I hate it here.”

Then he turned to me

“What about you?”
“Yea, it’s OK”
“Oh, I don’t like it”

Then he just stood around us awkwardly until Kara’s boyfriend came back. Charlotte men never cease to impress.

After we watched some of the waitresses dance, I convinced my coworker, Dave, to go to Alley Cats with me. When we got there I saw something that truly shocked me. The line was all the way down College to 7th street. Seriously? For Alley Cats? We decided to check the alley entrance and it was the same thing back there. I was there two weekends ago and it was dead – did I miss something?

I wasn’t worried though because my friend Skylar was already inside and promised that her friend, the bartender, could get us in for free. She met us at the VIP line and told the Bouncer, who was dressed in trendy hip hugging jeans and a black muscle shirt, that we were friends of the bartender, Aaron. He looked us up and down a couple times and said he’d never heard of him.

While we were waiting for Skylar to fetch Aaron, the Bouncer let in a large group of guys. This didn’t seem right to me, so I protested loudly. “How are you going to let a group of guys in and not me?” He looked at me again and shook his head. Turns out they were Bobcats. (I stick by my objection). Dave suggested I show the guy some leg, to which I replied that he would probably like to see Dave’s leg more. The Bouncer didn’t appreciate this and whispered to his friend, who then asked us to leave the line. So much for his tough bouncing skills.

By the time Aaron finally got outside we had been waiting awkwardly in the street for 15 minutes. He had long conversation with the Bouncer and then sent Skylar over to tell us that since we “talked so much shit” to the Bouncer, we weren’t allowed inside. Forbidden from Alley Cats; that’s a new low.

But the night was not a total loss. About ten minutes later we met Aaron at the back entrance where a different bouncer, a skinny young guy with highlighted hair and a fedora, let us right in. Guess it just goes to show that you should never pick on a man who wears tighter jeans than you.