“I realized there was nowhere else to make this movie,” he said on a second visit to The Observer office. “Charlotte’s the city Washington wishes it were. In a lot of ways, it’s hipper than Washington: There’s no neighborhood as cool as Plaza Midwood in the nation’s capital, and your restaurants are certainly better.”

So let me get this straight, cash-strapped and lay-off ridden Observer: Charlotte isn’t as cool as Washington. Charlotte wishes it was as cool as Washington. Is that the point you are trying to make? Also, that no celebrity would ever think we’d be as cool as Washington. That our restaurants don’t compare. Neither do our neighborhoods. Is that what I’m sensing here? I know Charlotte tries to be a “world class” city, whatever that means. And I know that when all those Charlottans keeping up with the belks make the whole city on a mission to keep up with New York, or DC, or LA, or wherever, we usually just end up looking like we’re trying too hard. I’ve said that as much as anyone. But, I will also say there are a lot of good things about Charlotte. (Certainly not the newspaper which would DEFINITELY not compare to anything published in DC.) Charlotte is certainly different and that’s not necessarily bad. Side by side comparisons are really only fair when you’re comparing identical twins.

Also notice how they were sure to include that it was Will Smith’s SECOND visit to the Observer newsroom. I’m sorry – but would anyone in one of those “better” cities like DC even consider Smith A-list anymore? And if so, would they go absolutely apeshit when he visited and act like Jesus Christ himself stopped by the newsroom with the Jonas Brothers and the paper’s all 13 year old female reporting staff would be all, omg, seriously, you guys, Will is SUCH a nice guy. He, like, totally signed an autograph for me. Breaking news, y’all.

Smith hopes to start shooting the $150 million feature in October, because “the trees here are so pretty

Really. The trees are pretty. That’s all you got? Are you even trying? Sarah is that you? Are you in the snuggie again? Maybe take it off and go to a writers workshop. You know, Texas Lexi actually remarked on how much she liked the trees when she visited. And even though she lives in Texas and as such can only like Texas, she did have a lot of more substantial reasons, other than trees, as to why she thought Charlotte was a cool city. Where are yours?

he expects Charlotte-area locations can double every other spot needed for the picture. For instance, all the Hawaii scenes will be shot around Lake Wylie.

Now, I’ve never been to Hawaii, but I’m fairly certain that I won’t be disappointed to learn that an Island in the pacific ocean is a little more tropical and pretty than a lake in South Carolina. Just a thought.

He has researched local politics intensively and will audition former city council member Lynn Wheeler as GOP vice presidential nominee Sarah Palin and longtime Mayor Pat McCrory as presidential candidate John McCain.

“We’d have to age him a little,” Smith admitted. “But the essential spirit is the same.”

The lowest blow of them all. At least Mayor Pat will have a job in Charlotte longer than most of your staff will.

It’s necessary to be able to laugh at ourselves. Especially about things that are obvious Charlotte jokes (the arlington, jake delhomme’s arm). But by mocking the essential worth of your own city, you just sound like a big, hairy, hemmoroid dripping asshole. There is a line to teasing and that line is often made up of this one important statement “i kid because i care”. Observer, you crossed that line. And even sadder for you, you missed much funnier jokes in the proccess.

Example:

The Charlotte Observer lays off real journalists in favor of continuing to fund blogs Paid to Party and That’s Wassup –> actually true!!!!

The Charlotte Observer earned profits in the first quarter of 2009.

And of course, the most obvious joke of them all, THIS.

Observer, the city of Charlotte is NOT your punch line. But go ahead and keep it up anyway. I swore I’d never say this but you really leave me no other choice. In the spirit of your own readers, I offer this advice: if you like DC so much, there’s the door *points to I-85 with middle finger*. Maybe one of their papers will hire you when McClatchy goes bankrupt. Now, THAT is funny.