Word has gotten back to me that people think I quit blogging today because of my “Keeping Up with the Belks: Final Exam” post. So I just want you to know that I didn’t quit. You’re still stuck with me. Probably forever. Yay.
The last line, “RIP Keeping Up with the Belk’s column. For now…” refers [...]
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Keeping Up with the Belks: final exam
How to resign with dignity move on to bigger and better things.
So, you had your day in court. You properly slandered your enemies in the media. You selfishly pursued your own interests. You willfully disobeyed the law. You acted with complete disregard to your personal image. You stated your case in front of God and North [...]
Keeping Up with the Belks: lesson #3
How to dick slap Lady Justice in the face.
Even though you may have been told to resign from your position on a corporate board due to conflict of interest rules, fuck it. Don’t listen to all those haters who are just jealous and trying to bring you down. You’re a Belk. You’re not [...]
How Much?
I’m not sure whether to call this a Charlotte thing, a North Carolina thing, a southern thing, or a millenial thing, but one thing’s for certain, it’s definitely a rude thing. I’m talking about the question that makes Miss Manners’ ears burn and causes Emily Post to roll over in her grave. A question that [...]
Keeping Up with the Belks: Lesson #2
How to show flagrant disregard for the laws you have sworn to uphold.
Having already proven yourself to be a true Belk by winning a political election solely through the power of name recognition, it’s time to get to work in your new position of power. You may have only wanted revenge or to increase [...]
Keeping Up With The Belks: Lesson #1
How to exact revenge by winning a political election.
Yesterday, Bill Belk beat the judge who presided over his divorce proceedings to become a Mecklenburg County District Court judge.
When you are a Belk, you can have expensive degrees like a JD and never feel the need to use them (read: don’t have any law school debt) [...]
Goodbye Yellow Brick Road
The summer of 2007, I worked as a legal assistant at a small law firm that facilitated real estate closings. Everything was going about at it’s usual hectic pace until one day when countrywide suddenly announced that it might not fund mortgages. For one painfully long day, the six of us held our [...]
