#1 i’m unemployed

#2 i’m a full time student again

#3 i got a new laptop, i got a new laptop, i got a new laptop

Shortly after I wrote that hateful/hated post about Macs my little G Lappy did the most annoying spiteful thing it could possibly do. It died. Ooooof course.

So for the past few months I have had no laptop and it has been painful. It is so not fun having to sit up at a desk like, idk, an adult and type. Who wants to do that? I prefer to write sitting on a sofa, legs stretched out in front of me, tv on in the background, 9283 google chrome tabs open, drinking either  beer, wine, or coke depending on the time of day.  Notice how that list didn’t include anything healthy? I’m awesome.

Luckily for me I have the world’s best boyfriend and he has the world’s best friend and he has the world’s best Best Buy discount. And now I am the proud owner of a red Dell Studio lappy with like 90 GB RAM and windows 7 and like a gillion GHz processor made by Jesus. And also, i’m overly excited about this, a webcam! Which I used to take this awesome picture of Rasputin:

not cooperating with mommy

But maybe the best part of getting the new laptop, which i’ve decided to name lappy 2.0,  was the following direct quotes from my boyfriend after I opened it:

“Your laptop is better than mine”

and

“This kind of makes me want to stop buying Macs”

It’s a Christmas miracle!

(half of my readers just had a seizure)

But, but why? I’ll tell you why! Because of you.

Just so we’re clear, I’d be more than happy to not have any conversation ever in the past present or future about computer operating systems.  Because I really don’t care.  If I had it my way I’d just sit here tweeting and posting to my blog with my lappy happily humming away.  But noooooOOOoooooo.  Macs had to start with the name calling. Not nice.  And when people aren’t nice, Meck has to slap a bitch.  So you see, they forced my hand.

At the beginning of summer, I started dating a guy who is an avid Mac user. If I were to, oh I don’t know, stab him, after one of his particularly annoying rants about why Macs are better, I’m pretty sure tiny little glowing apples would drip out of his chest where blood should be.

And you know what? I get it. I get why he, a tight black t-shirt wearing self-employed web designer, would want a Mac. I just can’t understand why I should want one. Someone please tell me a good reason why a casual computer user like myself needs a Mac?

totally not trying too hard

I can’t even look at my lappy without the boyfriend, or his roommate, or their ever growing army of Mac minions, making some snide comment about it.  It’s difficult to interpret what’s being said through their whiny nasally bitching, but I’m pretty sure it goes something like this:

Oooo look guys, there’s Meck’s laptop.

A gateway?! I think I just threw up in my mouth a little bit.

Me too.  Let’s make fun of her!

Totally.  Computing on a PC is like drinking Franzia box of wine when you could be having Estancia.

I know, right.

Hey after we’re done putting her in her place, let’s watch that Steve Jobs press conference again!

And have a circle jerk?

And then go to American Apparel?!

Dude!

*white boy fist bumps*

To a certain extent they have a point about my lappy. It’s loud. It runs hot. But it’s also 3 years old and cost me $500. Show me where I can get a new appletop for $500. Anyone? Bueller?

You know what I look for in a computer? Internet, Word Processor, Excel. That’s all I need from my PC. To access the web and write my little stories and occasionally be brave enough to balance my checkbook. Why on earth do I need a BMW when I’m only driving to and from work?

But what about virsuses blabbity blabbity bloopity? You’re right. PC’s get viruses. But there is also software that protects your compy against them. It costs about $70 a year if you are buying the updates (and you don’t need to buy the updates). Can anyone tell me where I can get a Macbook for $710? Still waiting….

But Macs have a superior operating system (and they’ll suck your dick, too)!  To you maybe. You know what is a superior system to me? The one that I am used to and have been using my whole life.  Sure, I can navigate my way around a Mac. But I fly through a PC, making spreadsheets my bitch and filing in a system that makes sense. I could learn a new system that has more pretty colors and is “sleeker” but I don’t need want to. Besides, how good can it be when every time I try to check my email on a Mactop I get that goddamned rainbow pinwheel spinning for an hour. You can’t hypnotize me, Mac, I see that you aren’t working. (Furthermore, I don’t even have a dick).

But, merrrr, better quality, lasts longer. Yea, sometimes. Sometimes it makes sense to spend  a lot upfront and get more for your dollar in the long run. But sometimes that’s also a justification of businesses who are hocking a brand that is made of the same materials and does the same thing (e.g. almost everything associated with the word “luxury”).  Although for anyone obsessed with brands, or technology for that matter, does it really make a difference how long it lasts? Before it dies you are going to want a newer, shinier model anyway.

So guess what 99% of Mac users. I’m calling your bluff.  You all are the computer world equivalent of the bitch with overprocessed highlights carrying a logo emblazoned Louis Vuitton bag.  You’re not computer snobs, you’re trend whores.

I’m not a graphic designer, I don’t edit videos, and I don’t need a Mac.  Although after I publish this post, I might need a new boyfriend.