But enough about me.  Let’s talk Observer.  Uptown’s paper of record (*cringe* maybe it’s just me and my fever, but is that not the most annoying phrase ever in the history of overly articulated unnecessary synonyms?) was full of things for me to make fun of this week. And I’m sick of this intro, so let’s just get down to it:

1) Sometime after the Panther’s shocking win on Sunday, @theObserver tweeted asking for headline suggestions. You know, I wish not only that I could be paid to write this blog, but that I could get other people to do the creative part for me. Now, I don’t know what kind of responses they got. All I know is that they must not be friends with the same people I’m friends with, because my twitter and facebook streams were full of things like this:

• I can’t believe they actually won!
• holy shit! The Panthers won!
• I knew they could do it! Go Cardiac Cats *growl* I told you Jake Delhomme was a good quarterback! lol

and my personal favorite

• it’s about damn time!

Admittedly some of these aren’t appropriate for the paper.  But when I was on Charlotte.com Monday, I saw this:

Not graceful, quick, or boring, just Jake.

Just Jake.  Just JAKE?!  So let me get this straight. What you’re saying about Bo’Jakles is: he’s not great, he’s not exciting, but he’s not the worst player in the history of the NFL.

Just Jake. How about: just mediocre?  Just not good enough?  I’m sorry but we always do this.  WE ALWAYS DO THIS.  He plays shitty 3 games, then happens to pull out an average performance in a game the whole team wins, then all is forgiven and we try to forget we ever claimed he should be benched, and then he thanks us by screwing up another 3 games in a row.  THIS IS WHY WE CAN’T HAVE NICE THINGS.  And by nice things, I mean Lombardi trophies.

2) Then on Tuesday, I was greeted with this headline:

Manners help make a miracle

A new book about the Hudson River plane crash wants us to believe that the reason the evacuation went so smoothly is because there were a lot of Southerners on the flight.  And Southerners are polite. Hold on a second:

Hahahahahahahahaha. AAAAAhahahahahahahaha. Lol. LMFAO. ROFL. Hahahahehehehehehahahaha. Heeeeeeee.

Whew. Okay.

Luckily, while I was sick and waiting to take this one to task, people were busy doing my work for me.  Like Tommy Tomlinson.  Everyone knows that Southerners aren’t any more polite than your average American. In fact, y’all are worse.  Because you pretend to be polite, while you are actually being hateful and insincere. Common knowledge.

If there is anyone out there who believes that 1)Southern people actually have better manners  2)Those manners had anything to do with all those people escaping, I would like to meet that person.  So I can say “Bless your heart.” And then since I was raised in Pennsylvania, I can punch them in the dome.

3) On Wednesday, the Observer posted some emails from Bank of America executives.  Take a look-see here.  My only real observation is this:

Chad Gifford, you need a more professional font bro.  You are a major bank executive, not a 38 year-old stay at home mom forwarding emails about cats in Halloween costumes. How about a 10-12 pointer. In something respectable, like calibri.

4) And finally, this:

this just in

Oh yea, thumbnail of some chick’s boobies? I DO need to know about your ex-fiance’s crazy fight.  Because it’s important, need-to-know, breaking news information about Charlotte.  And LIFE.

Now if you don’t mind, I need to go back to bed.  But not before I finish work on this story:

breaking news

1) keys to her new apartment in uptown

2) tickets to Saturday’s Panther game

2009 is off to a great start.

My fav’s at Brotha Fred’s AM MAYHEM have delivered with an awesome Panther’s song for this year’s playoff season, “Panther Love for Life“

click here for even more Panther’s fight songs and get pumped for the white out on Saturday!

I also have a lot of exciting things planned for KUWTB in 2009. More posts, more pics, different formats, etc, so stick around and tell your friends. I’m looking forward to another year working, playing, LIVING, writing, and growing up in uptown.

Panthers. Dom Perignon. Ballantyne.

Offensive lineman Jeremy Bridges was arrested yesterday. Allegedly, while at dinner at Villa Antonio in Ballantyne, Bridges ordered a bottle of the expensive champagne, shook it, and the opened it. Seriously.

I like bubbles.

The other patrons were pissed. Words were had. Threats were allegedly made, and people were allegedly pushed. The police charged him with 2 counts of acting inappropriately in an upscale Charlotte neighborhood. Honestly. Who shakes a bottle of dom?

Congratulations, Mr. Bridges. You are Keeping Up with the Belks first ever CLCTP. Break out the champagne!

In other news, Monday night football tonight. Pretty important.

This weekend, the Panthers improved to 8-2 against now 0-10 detroit – but John Fox still blames the team for turning his hair gray. ummm, i don’t think it was them. I would blame the men’s room. The canes also get to say “a win is a win”. Unfortunately, the same cannot be said for the 49ers, who lost in a nail biter against Old Dominion. Yea, I know. Sad. (oh and for you other sports fans – JJ made history and the bobcats still suck)

Charlottans please note: wearing all one color is not a good idea. But, then again, it could get you a date.